Question: Do you trust people who don’t look you in the eye?

Looking back on this conversation, I realize how loaded this question really is. My answer? It depends. But not for the reasons you might think.

My Personal Struggle with Eye Contact

Here’s the thing – I try to maintain eye contact. I really do. But I’ve been told multiple times that I’m “looking at the ceiling” even when I think I’m looking directly at someone. It’s frustrating because I’m genuinely trying to do what society expects of me, but apparently, I’m still getting it wrong.

This hits close to home because I know that if I ever got arrested or interrogated, I’d be completely screwed. Law enforcement specifically looks for eye contact as a sign of truthfulness, and I’m already at a disadvantage before I even open my mouth.

The Autism Connection

What really gets me is how this ties into autism. The educational system literally lists difficulty with eye contact as a qualifying characteristic for an IEP. It’s right there in black and white: “significant deficits in understanding and using nonverbal communication, including eye contact, facial expressions, and gestures.”

So we’re essentially saying that kids with autism are automatically untrustworthy? That doesn’t make sense to me.

My “Depends” Philosophy

When I say “it depends,” I mean it depends on the context. If we’re both looking at something while talking – like when I’m playing Magic with friends – I don’t worry about eye contact at all. It’s never been an issue in my friendships because we focus on what matters: our actual interactions and shared experiences.

But job interviews? That’s where I know this expectation could hurt me. I haven’t had many job interviews yet (I’m only 20), but I already know that’s going to be a challenge I’ll have to navigate.

The Real Truth

Here’s what I’ve learned: some people who hold perfect eye contact are completely untrustworthy. Eye contact doesn’t tell you anything about someone’s character. I know kids with autism who do maintain eye contact, and I know others who don’t. It’s not a reliable indicator of anything except maybe anxiety or different neurological wiring.

The fact that I get anxious around authority figures probably affects my eye contact more than any inherent trustworthiness issue. When you’re nervous – whether because you’re being questioned by police or just talking to your boss – your natural behaviors change.

Moving Forward

I think we need to get away from using eye contact as some kind of lie detector test. It’s not fair to people with autism, people with social anxiety, or anyone who just communicates differently.

Trust should be built on consistency, actions, and how someone treats you over time. Not on where their eyes happen to be focused during a conversation.

That’s my truth, anyway.